Heavy steps.
Hi it is Dee.
I am going to experience dorm life in probably 48 hours from now on. Am I ready? Hell no. Of course I'm not. I am someone who really hates new environment. Sure, I like meeting new people, make new friends, experience new things but in reality, I really suck at adapting. I might be smiling from the outside but to be honest, I am struggling real hard.
As result, last night I took out every school supplies I am going to bring to my new school. I organised them one by one and put it into their places. I don't know why, but I feel a lot better that way. It was 1 AM in the morning and I was sitting on the floor in our living room, taking out everything out from their plastic while my younger sister are laying on the couch, watching some k-dramas.
I looked at every documents that are laying on the floor one by one, from my birth certificate to my SPM result slip. I chuckled at the sight of it, "I studied so f*cking hard only to get the result of it on a piece of a thin,fragile cheap paper?" Picking it up from the ground, I stared at the big fat alphabet C written on the slip. That big C haunted me for nights after I received the slip. That C made me so scared and discouraged that I lost almost 3 kg in a week, hours of crying and a week of stressed face at work. Putting away that cheap paper aside, I decided to put all depressing thoughts aside and continued with my organising, silently telling myself to f*cking move on from that slip. No one cares about your SPM result in the adult world, anyways.
Obviously no one will ask, but for someone with no connection or wealth like me, that result probably might be one of the thing people will use to judge your value. I couldn't apply for most of the scholarships, I couldn't get into a better college, I couldn't brag to my family members- all because of of that cheap slip of paper. Sure, I do sounds like someone who couldn't accept the reality that I am probably not gifted enough in the study field. Well, maybe I am good at studying, but Science just wasn't something I'm good at, ha-ha.
Probably the reason I cried for weeks wasn't because of that C...
...maybe it is just me who just felt sorry to my parents that I couldn't get a better result. They wanted me to be well-known doctor who will somehow show a miracle to the society. But I thought otherwise. I am not that interested in that field, to be honest. I am always that someone who always stand up for her rights, always ready to voice out her opinions and love to help others. I want to be someone who help people who are wrongly justified, I want to help those who voices cannot be heard. I don't care what kind of job it would be, I just want to help people. That's all.
Okay, let's skip all that serious talk and move on to what I did last night hahaha
Here is a new fact about me - I love writing letters. I love writing in general, but I personally prefer writing to someone I love about what I felt about them. If you are one of my close friend, you probably received one or two letter from me and you enjoyed reading it right? Here is another thing about me - once I start writing, it can be extremely long. Probably it was because I myself talks a lot HAHAHAHAH.
By the way, on the commemoration of me entering college, I wrote a letter to both my parennts, thanking them for everything they did for me. (I wrote a lot of letters for them since I was like...five?)
here is a picture of the letter-
I am going to experience dorm life in probably 48 hours from now on. Am I ready? Hell no. Of course I'm not. I am someone who really hates new environment. Sure, I like meeting new people, make new friends, experience new things but in reality, I really suck at adapting. I might be smiling from the outside but to be honest, I am struggling real hard.
As result, last night I took out every school supplies I am going to bring to my new school. I organised them one by one and put it into their places. I don't know why, but I feel a lot better that way. It was 1 AM in the morning and I was sitting on the floor in our living room, taking out everything out from their plastic while my younger sister are laying on the couch, watching some k-dramas.
I looked at every documents that are laying on the floor one by one, from my birth certificate to my SPM result slip. I chuckled at the sight of it, "I studied so f*cking hard only to get the result of it on a piece of a thin,fragile cheap paper?" Picking it up from the ground, I stared at the big fat alphabet C written on the slip. That big C haunted me for nights after I received the slip. That C made me so scared and discouraged that I lost almost 3 kg in a week, hours of crying and a week of stressed face at work. Putting away that cheap paper aside, I decided to put all depressing thoughts aside and continued with my organising, silently telling myself to f*cking move on from that slip. No one cares about your SPM result in the adult world, anyways.
Obviously no one will ask, but for someone with no connection or wealth like me, that result probably might be one of the thing people will use to judge your value. I couldn't apply for most of the scholarships, I couldn't get into a better college, I couldn't brag to my family members- all because of of that cheap slip of paper. Sure, I do sounds like someone who couldn't accept the reality that I am probably not gifted enough in the study field. Well, maybe I am good at studying, but Science just wasn't something I'm good at, ha-ha.
Probably the reason I cried for weeks wasn't because of that C...
...maybe it is just me who just felt sorry to my parents that I couldn't get a better result. They wanted me to be well-known doctor who will somehow show a miracle to the society. But I thought otherwise. I am not that interested in that field, to be honest. I am always that someone who always stand up for her rights, always ready to voice out her opinions and love to help others. I want to be someone who help people who are wrongly justified, I want to help those who voices cannot be heard. I don't care what kind of job it would be, I just want to help people. That's all.
Okay, let's skip all that serious talk and move on to what I did last night hahaha
Here is a new fact about me - I love writing letters. I love writing in general, but I personally prefer writing to someone I love about what I felt about them. If you are one of my close friend, you probably received one or two letter from me and you enjoyed reading it right? Here is another thing about me - once I start writing, it can be extremely long. Probably it was because I myself talks a lot HAHAHAHAH.
By the way, on the commemoration of me entering college, I wrote a letter to both my parennts, thanking them for everything they did for me. (I wrote a lot of letters for them since I was like...five?)
here is a picture of the letter-
 |
| ugly handwriting i know |
Yep, I wrote two pages. I could write 10 pages in one sitting but nah, I am a busy person you know *smirks* JKJK, I stop writing because I know that if I write more I will cry and everyone in the house will find out that I am writing a surprise letter to my parents hahaha (they were sleeping atm),
I did so many weird thing after that, like making a tabung at 1.30 AM, looking at my old notebooks and much more.
I want to write a whole lot more but who likes lengthy blog post, right? I don't even know if there is anyone out there who would be reading this blog post. HA-hA *straight_face.gif*
That was it from this whimsical being. See you in next blog post!
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